Paperwork, Physicals, and Flushing

Keep reading, hopefully you'll get the reference.  .

Following interview 2, I was immediately scheduled to do paperwork.  The hospital utilized a staffing agency called Aerotek which took care of human resource business.  At first I thought Aerotek was the name of a food service company they used, so clueless.  Anyways, I was supposed to arrive to an office in Santa Ana with my passport to fill out paperwork.  I didn't know what to expect so I arrived in my interview clothes.  Sidebar, God must have been really looking out for me with the new iPhone update that week with amazing voice turn-by-turn directions.  I did a ton of driving from hospital 1 to hospital 2 to Aerotek to a prompt care facility to get labs done, didn't get lost once!  

Anyways, little did I know I would be signing my life away for tax returns and background checks; guess this meant I was hired at job 2!  Also, I was unaware I would be immediately sent off for a physical, blood work, and drug test after the paperwork was done.  By this time, it was around 2:30/3:00, it was 90+ degrees, and my iPhone battery was dwindling.  I sucked it up and headed off to the prompt care facility for my physical.  I had to wait a long time before I saw anyone for my physical.  

The physical itself was typical: height, weight, blood pressure, and eye tests.  I have horrible vision and according to my insurance am considered blind without contacts/glasses.  I had also been sitting in my car most of the day with air conditioning blasting, so my eyes were feeling dry.  I was convinced I failed the vision test and wouldn't get hired.  Then came the drug test.  These were my directions: take this cup, urinate just to the line, do NOT flush the toilet, do NOT wash your hands.  Ok.  Simple enough.  Don't flush the toilet.  Don't flush the toilet.  Don't flush the-wait, don't flush?  Gross.  Why can't I flush?  I keep pondering this while I take care of business.  I start thinking about the time on Entourage when Vince needs to pass a drug test and uses a fake...uh, oh.  I'm walking out of the bathroom with my pot of gold trying to remember how that episode ended when I hear the toilet flushing behind me.  Oh my God I flushed!  Great.  As if my eye sight wasn't bad enough, who's going to hire someone that can't follow the simplest of directions during a drug test.  I solemnly announce to the nurse that I am so sorry but I flushed the toilet.  Surprisingly he didn't care. 

Then I noticed all of the needles laid out.  "Uh what kind of shots will I be getting today?"  Nurse replies, "Blood draw and TB."  I can handle watching gory surgeries on television, but something about getting my blood drawn causes me to pass out 50% of the time.  I've never succeeded in donating blood because it becomes more trouble than it's worth for the Red Cross.  Great.  They won't get a good blood sample.  I'm nearly blind, flush toilets, and can't supply a blood sample-who will ever hire me??  By the grace of God I don't pass out.  Guess that means I only pass out 40% of the time now; this is growing up!

I finally meet with a PA who checks me for color blindness, a whisper test, some awkward mobility/squat tests I do in my heels, and breathing.  All done.  Hey, where's my lollipop?  Don't I at least get a sticker?  Maybe those are reserved for patients who don't flush the toilet.  I am instructed to come back in 48 hours to check my arm for the TB test.  (I passed my TB test if you're concerned.)

Anyone care for a free insulated travel bag?

Aerotek told me on Friday I could start training as early as this Tuesday (tomorrow).  Guess we'll have to see what happens!  And this ends the novel that was my Friday.  What started as two interviews at 9 AM ended at 5 PM with two opportunities.  Might be the end of the recruitment process, but it marks the beginning of professional post graduate employment.  Even if it means starting at the bottom, I could not be happier.  Maybe I'm just getting older (no joke, AARP offered me benefits and sent me a card last week) but I teared up on the car ride home.  For once this journey brought me tears of happiness instead of frustration.  Totally corny, but my heart felt happy and I got the feeling I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.

Entourage image from http://www.brobible.com/life/article/truth-drug-tests-how-to-beat (yup that said Bro Bible)
I'll let you look up the video clip on your own.